


Easier To Lie

by ijustwantacue



Category: GOT7
Genre: Angst, Break Up, F/M, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-25
Updated: 2018-04-25
Packaged: 2019-04-27 19:38:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,239
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14432673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ijustwantacue/pseuds/ijustwantacue
Summary: You made a huge mistake and debate whether to tell him about it.





	Easier To Lie

You wake up to a familiar bedroom with a familiar man. But this doesn’t make you comfortable—if anything, it makes you feel anxious. There’s no use denying what happened last night. His bare back, on your view as you stand up in a rush to find your own clothes, is enough to make you realise your lapse of judgement.

 _Lapse of judgement?_ You question yourself. That term is underwhelming. You know that you just made the biggest mistake of your life.

You almost trip on some stuff you don’t want to mind anymore. What matters is you pull your jeans up and get away here fast. First, because you don’t know how you will face him, the guy who is lightly snoring behind you. Second, because you don’t know how you will face _him._ This second one being the person who doesn’t deserve what you’ve done—who doesn’t deserve you.

Fuck, where are your car keys? You remember driving to here. Jaebum was brokenhearted and drunk last night. As a caring friend, you offered to take him home. You couldn’t take it against him when he started kissing you because he was probably looking for a distraction to his miserable life.

And you were looking for one too, though, you don’t have any excuse. You didn’t have to have a distraction. You actually should’ve been satisfied having a boyfriend who is so sweet and loyal. But you have this one very bad habit of looking for what can hurt you. It’s sad but years of looking for love from the wrong persons has made you attached to the pain. So unknowingly, since Youngjae would never dare hurt you intentionally, you did something that will hurt both of you instead.

You make sure to be out of Jaebum’s house before you turn your phone on. You’re afraid that Youngjae will call and hear Jaebum’s cats meow. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out which house you slept at, especially with Jaebum being one of Youngjae’s bestfriend. You don’t want to imagine how much your boyfriend’s heart will break upon hearing Nora.

Five missed calls and twenty texts. When you get in your car, you have to stop and take deep breaths. He must be very worried. He’s not really clingy and he respects your blithe lifestyle so he doesn’t bother you much. For him to call five times means that he’s looking everywhere for you.

God. What have you done?

You make a quick scan of his messages.

 

> _Where are you?_
> 
> _Will you come home?_
> 
> _Are you okay?_
> 
> _Are you staying with a friend?_
> 
> _Can you answer the phone? I just want to know if you’re safe._
> 
> _Call me. I’m worried._
> 
> _Are you at the bar? Do you want me to pick you up?_

 

Why would you hurt this man? You start driving with that in mind. You don’t know what you’re going to say, but your guilt is telling you to go to him. To face him and get it over with. You have to tell him. Even if it will hurt, it has to come from you. It will only hurt more if he hears it from someone else.

You’re ready to see him angry for the first time. God help you, this is probably what you were asking for. You are one fucked-up girl.

You feel tears streaming down your face. Were you actually crying? Why would you? This was what you wanted. This was what you’ve always been getting. Past relationships ended up as failure because you’ve been cheated on or told that you weren’t enough. Now, it’s your turn.

So why does it hurt so much?

 

Without even parking properly, you get off the car and storm inside the house. You breathe sharply when you see him sleeping on the sofa; you can just imagine him sitting there all night waiting for you to come home. You wonder what time he gave up and decided to sleep. You wonder if he actually wanted to sleep.

Nevertheless, you have to wake him up now.

“Youngjae,” you shake him gently, afraid that he will break. _Yes_ , you remind yourself, _you will break him_.

He stirs a little, but he isn’t awake yet. The only thing you hated about him is how much of a heavy sleeper he is. But you’ve learned to find it endearing. And seeing the bags under his eyes, knowing he was up all night for you, this side of him makes you want to cry.

“Youngjae,” you repeat softly, this time playing with his hair. He loves it when you do that. He can fall asleep with you doing just that. And you hope it will also wake him up.

It does.

Youngjae’s eyes slowly open, and you can see the effort he puts to keep them that way. He adjusts for a moment, staring blankly into space. As if you snapped, he looks at you, fully alert.

“You’re here,” he says, voice still groggy but full of relief. His eyes soften as he takes in your physique. “Are you okay?”

No, you’re not okay. Not when he’s looking at you like that. Not when he’s asking that.

You inadvertently just stare at him, trying to understand how someone could be this pure. Suddenly, everything you wanted to say is thrown out of the window. No, you can’t do this. You can’t say it. You can’t hurt him.

He takes your silence as a no to his question, and soon you find yourself in his arms.

“What’s going on, love? You were crying?”

He knew. He probably saw how red your eyes are from the intense crying while you were driving. But he didn’t see the guilt in them. He now has his arm around your shoulder. He will never think ill of you, and it makes the situation worse.

You suddenly remember how you met him. You were yet again in another miserable relationship. The guy then isn’t just some asshole who belittles you though; he actually does it in public. You were so close to fight back physically because of the words he’s saying when suddenly, you were pulled away.

A stranger pulled your hand then, and being who you are, you just let him. He took you far away and never let you go back. He looked at you in pure faith that you never did something wrong. That you need him. That he can make things better.

Today, the same stranger is holding your hand. He’s looking at you the same way. But this time, you really did something wrong. And you’re going to do something even more wrong.

“We had movie marathon at Mina’s, that’s why my eyes are puffy. I’m sorry I wasn’t able to answer your calls.”

You see the relief in his eyes. He hugs you tightly, letting out all his worry from his eyes. “I was so worried. I’m glad you’re okay. Did you have fun?”

You pat his back and look up, trying to stop another tear that’s threatening to spill. You bite your lip. This isn’t as hard as telling him the truth.

But still, it’s hard.

“I’m really sorry,” your voice is shaking.

Youngjae moves away to look at you. He pushes some strands of hair away your face in order to see you clearly. Then he kisses your forehead. “Don’t be. It’s fine.”

And you wish it is.

**Author's Note:**

> This is a part of my songfic collection: Breakup Lullabies. The other members will have their own version and the reader will have a reply to each version. A total of 14 drabbles.


End file.
